Could've Been
by sDan12
Summary: Feldt dwells on everything that could have been with only two men that she's ever loved.


She was alone late at night when Feldt began to think of them again. The Gundam Meisters. The first one that she had fallen for, Lockon Stratos aka Neil Dylandy. The second one being someone much younger than the deceased Neil: Gundam Meister Setsuna F. Seiei. She laid in bed, staring out the window of her living space aboard Ptolemy into the deep space. For Feldt, the stars held deep pain. It was in space where Neil had perished. And even deeper in space; the place that Setsuna was headed to, the home of the ELS.

"_I was so naive back then" _Feldt snickered to herself, thinking back to her first love. She was fourteen at the time; having a crush on the twenty-five year old Lockon wouldn't have been able to happen anyway. The age gap between the two was so different that there was no chance of it ever happening.

"_Well maybe not never…"_

Feldt thought about it for several minutes and sighed. There was no immediate possibility of Lockon and Feldt being able to get together for years even if he had reciprocated the young girls feelings. That was the issue: Feldt was young at the time, far too young for the older and more experience Gundam Meister.

Perhaps if he _had _reciprocated Feldt's feelings and managed to wait until she was older, they could have been together. If, _if_ the feeling had been feelings from Lockon's end anyway.

"_Yeah well, there's no possibility of that anymore anyway now is there?" _

Feldt snapped at herself in irritation and sighed once more. Her mind was right; there was no possibility of that anymore. Lockon Stratos was dead. _Her _Lockon Stratos was dead, gone, deceased. It was harsh reality that Feldt had come to years ago after meeting his twin brother, Lyle.

Yet her mind slipped every once in a while. She would think about her loss of Setsuna and that would eventually lead to thinking about her loss of Lockon. And then she would sit and think about both men. What _could have_ been.

"_Setsuna…" _

Feldt's mind drifted back to the youngest meister of them all. And the fact that she would never see or hear from him again. The thought of him made her heart ache and bring her eyes to tears.

Feldt closed her eyes and rubbed her hands over her watering eyes. Her lips quivered as she made small, strangling cries. She opened her eyes and looking out into the deep space she knew Setsuna was traveling in, she lost her composure.

She quickly rolled away from the sight that the window gave her and onto the floor. She scooted, facing away so that her back was pressed up to the bed and more importantly – facing away from the window.

Feldt sobbed as she thought of Setsuna.

The idea that she would never see or hear from Setsuna again was once that the young girl had not gotten used to. To anyone on the outside - to anyone that didn't know of the circumstances – the situation with Setsuna was the same one with Lockon. He was practically dead. This was the way the whole crew had taken his leaving.

Setsuna wasn't dead. And that was something that everyone had taken comfort in despite his leave of absence. While he was gone, never to re-enter their lives again, he wasn't dead. It was consolation to anybody and everybody that missed him.

To anybody but Feldt.

The idea that Setsuna was alive yet she would never see him again – it hurt more than Lockon's death. At least she knew when Lockon died that he was at peace, happy with his family. With Setsuna, Feldt had no clue as to whether he was okay.

"_Hell, there's a good chance he's dead."_

Feldt shivered and sobbed more at the thought. Because there was no way of contacting Setsuna from how far he was in deep space, no one knew how he was doing. Whether he was sick or injured, whether he had reached the home of the ELS yet or not. No one knew, and no one was going to find out.

Feldt's heart ached at the thought of Lockon. But it practically burned at the thought of Setsuna. It was almost a year since Setsuna was gone and yet, her heart still felt like it was burning and straining to pump blood throughout her body.

Feldt sighed.

"_It's been eight years since Lockon's died and my heart still aches for him. How long is that pain of Setsuna going to last?"_

**This idea came to me randomly tonight and I just had to write it. I finished the Double 00 Series last month and I couldn't stand the end of the movie. I hated it so much I was crying to my friend on the phone about it at one in the morning. **

**I thought about the characters and my heart completely went out to Feldt. She had it rough in the series. She lost her best friends and Lockon in the first season. Setsuna never sees that she loves him and then he disappears and leaves for the home of the ELS at the end of the movie. Poor Feldt! I felt so bad and I just needed to get all of the emotion out. So I did and that's where this one-shot came from! Thank you for reading!**


End file.
